AVIATION TRUISMS  The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to  the temperature of your coffee.--- Gunter's Second Law  of Air Travel  The three worst things to hear in the cockpit: The second  officer says, "Damn it!" The first officer says, "I have an  idea!" The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"  "In the Alaska bush I'd rather have a two hour bladder  and three hours of gas than vice versa."--- Kurt Wien  Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is  safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to  be this old?  "Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society.  The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the  parachute."--- George Bernard Shaw  "The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn  are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."--- Mark  Russell  When asked why he was referred to as 'Ace': "Because  during World War Two, I was responsible for the  destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy."  - Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF.  If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage /classic  helicopter fly-ins? - Anonymous  Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your  airspeed. - Anonymous  "I never liked riding in helicopters because there's a fair  probability that the bottom part will get going around as  fast as the top part."--- Lt. Col. John Wittenborn, USAFR.  "When it comes to testing new aircraft or determining  maximum performance, pilots like to talk about "pushing  the envelope." They're talking about a two dimensional  model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left  is zero speed; the top is max altitude; and the right,  maximum velocity, of course. So, the pilots are pushing  that upper-right- hand corner of the envelope. What  everybody tries not to dwell on is that that's where the  postage gets canceled, too."--- Admiral Rick Hunter,  U.S. Navy.  "It only takes five years to go from rumor to standard  operating procedure." - Dick Markgraf  "Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why  bulldozers & helicopters -- in that order -- need two."  --- Paul Slattery  "I've flown every seat on this airplane, can someone  tell me why the other two are always occupied by  idiots?" --- Don Taylor  The only three things a wingman should ever say are:  1. Two's up.  2. You're on fire.  3. I'll take the ugly one.  There are only three things the copilot should ever say:  1. Nice landing, Sir.  2. I'll buy the first round.  3. I'll take the ugly one.  As a new copilot on a bomber I was told to say these  three things and to otherwise keep my mouth shut and  not touch anything:  1. Clear on the right.  2. Outer (marker) on the double (indicator)  3. I'll eat the chicken. (Crew meals consisted of one  steak and one chicken to avoid possible food poisoning  of the cockpit crew).  1. As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want...  As long as it's right... And we'll let you know if it's right  after you get down.  2. You can't fly forever without getting killed.  3. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you  and one of them will:  a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing  that it is your last flight in an airplane..  b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not  knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..  4. Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will  absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and  vibrations.  5. There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are  made by men who think that they know better how to  fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics) were made  by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should,  suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.  6. More about Rules: a. The rules are a good place to  hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to  execute it. b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a  flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge,  don't hit the bridge.)  7. The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.  8. The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and  aggressiveness.  9. About check rides:  a. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete  it and get the bastard out of your airplane.  b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the  examinee couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion  of his flying ability really is.  10. The medical profession is the natural enemy of the  aviation profession.  11 The job of the Wing Commander is to worry  incessantly that his career depends solely on the abilities  of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and  that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to  bet their lives on it.  12. Ever notice that the only experts who decree that  the age of the pilot is over are people who have never  flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their  feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no expert  who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted  aircraft.  13. It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be  unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very predictable. In the  end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be  unpredictable.  14. He who demands everything that his aircraft can  give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.  15. If you're gonna fly low, do not fly slow! ASW pilots  know this only too well.  16. It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any  other thing touch his aircraft.  17. If you can learn how to fly as a 2nd Lt and not forget  how to fly by the time you're a Maj. you will have lived a  happy life.  18. Night flying:  a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.  b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the  tanker's lights.  c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard  at night.  d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the  weather so you can double count your exposure to both  hazards.  e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses  in equilibrium with each other.  f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of  amusement parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get  the same blend of psychedelic sensations as a single  engine night weather flight.  19. One of the most important skills that a pilot must  develop is the skill to ignore those things that were  designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.  20. At the end of the day, the controllers, ops  supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and  birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not  let them!  21. The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar  is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to  see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it  another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot  anyone down?  22. Remember that the radio is only an electronic  suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only way to  clear up a problem is to turn it off.  23. It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the  preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit,  that those who seek to control aviators via threats  always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.  24. Remember when flying low and inverted that the  rudder still works the same old way but hopefully your  IP never taught you "pull stick back, plane go up".  25. Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Natops  Manual is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance  you can get.  26. A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to  unpredictability discussion above)  27. The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is  another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent  flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.  28. One of the beautiful things about a single piloted  aircraft is the quality of the social experience.  29. If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her  infant might grow up to be a pilot, she had better teach  him to put things back where he got them  30. The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill  the dreams of the countless millions of earthbound  ancestors who could only stare skyward ...and wish.